1. Trying to move too fast. The biggest mistake men make in the courtship process is not understanding and accepting that there actually is a ‘courtship process’. You cannot go directly from 1 to 10 without going through 2,3,4,5,6,7,8 & 9 first. There is no easy way out. Some of the ways men try to push things too fast are:
*Turning the initial coffee meet into a date by wanting to extend or replace the initial 30-45 minute meetup with a lunch or dinner.
*Sending text messages to a woman they have just met that would only be appropriate for a girlfriend. That means pretty much any text message other than vital information.
*Trying to get to woman to come to your house or trying to go to hers. You should not invite her to your home until you have been out a few times, and when you do, it should be for a reason, ie you cook her lunch. Not just to come and have a look at your place. A women will invite you to her home when she is ready, do not hassle her to come to her place.
*Touching. Don’t touch a woman on a first meeting unless she touches you first and limit it to the amount of touch she has initiated. If a woman agrees to see you again then it means she has some degree of interest in you so it may be appropriate to initiate some form of limited physical contact, keeping careful note of the ladies body language and responses.
*Asking what sort of relationship the woman wants. The thinking being that if she says she wants a relationship she should be willing to have one with you. The only thing you should be concerned with on the first meeting is if you both want a second meeting. If a woman agrees to see you again, she is not agreeing to a relationship, just to spend some time together and see what happens
2. Talking about or looking at other women. It doesn’t matter if it is done in a positive or negative way. Sure, women will ask you about previous relationships/dates. Yes, it is absolutely a trick question. She wants to know if you are:
* the kind of man who talks about other women
*bitter
*aggressive
*vengeful
*self pitying
*indiscreet
*misogynistic
*sleazy
*hung up on the past
*possessed of any of a number of other negative traits she will see as a red flag.
Just because she asks doesn’t mean you have to answer. A gentleman never talks about a lady when she is not there. The reality is the main reason most men want to talk about their past partners or dates is that they are….
3. Seeking sympathy. Very few women are attracted to a man because they pity him. Attempting to attract a woman with your sad story about how:
*Your ex left you/cheated on you/took all your money
*Your spouse died and you are lonely
*You were a carer for your spouse before they passed and it was very hard on you
*You paid the agency a fee for the service and so she should be with you so you get your moneys worth
Will be an instant turn off for most women. Only a very small number of women are attracted to sad stories and if you manage to capture one, you probably won’t keep her because once you are no longer sad or lonely you don’t need her help and you will hold no attraction for her, or she will find someone with an even sadder story who she thinks needs her even more.
4. Text messaging. A common complaint from women about men is “He never calls me, he only texts”. If you are interested in seeing a lady, show that interest by picking up the phone, calling her and asking her out on a date. As per point 1, many men also try to use text messaging to generate some kind of intimacy that doesn’t exist, for instance meeting a lady for coffee and then texting her “goodnight” or “good morning” or “what are you up to”. These sort of texts come across as creepy and pushy to someone you have just met. A good rule is: if you wouldn’t ring up and say it, definitely don’t text it! Leave the texts until you have entered an ongoing and exclusive relationship. This goes for sending photos/gifs/memes as well.
5. Focusing on the relationship, not the person. If you have ever or would ever ask a woman what kind of relationship she is looking for, you are focusing on the relationship and not the person. You are seeking to not be lonely and have your needs for sex, attention and intimacy met, rather than establishing a strong connection with another person. You are concentrating on what you are seeking, rather than being interested in the other person. It is very important to a woman that a man values, respects and is attracted to her as an individual rather than as someone to keep him company or warm the bed. If you are genuinely interested in the other party, rather than just getting a relationship, you won’t want to go straight from 1 to 10 because you will look forward to getting to know this person and will relish discovering new things about them. If you have ever said someone is “not compatible” after a phone call or coffee meet, then you are focusing on the relationship and not the person. You are simply looking to have your needs met, rather than find someone you can love and care for, and whose needs you want to meet. People who are looking for the relationship not the person rarely have a relationship that goes beyond superficial and often their relationships don’t last as there is no real intimate connection with the other party and no motivation to overcome obstacles or problems.
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. ” – Tony Robbins
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